Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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