I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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