this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
