Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
