Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I could fuck to npr.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
