Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize