sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize