where am i from again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
