well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
