is your mom at the bar?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
