Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
