I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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