Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hippo gnu deer
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
