pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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