Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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