Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
