Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
