Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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