i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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