His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
did i just pee glitter
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
