Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
