we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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