somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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