not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
