Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
