NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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