i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
