I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
