Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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