i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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