you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
