She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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