Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
