dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize