My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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