Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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