Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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