so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
