Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
