Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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