She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
