He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
