Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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