Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
