I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
