There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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