So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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