I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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