I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
