We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
