I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
