Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
