Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
