I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
