And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
