Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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