Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
