no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
