Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can I color on your dick again?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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