HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
