he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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