If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
