Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize