It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and she was petting her beer can
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
