Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
