On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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