dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
