And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
